It has been nearly four months since my wedding, and I am already weary of the unsolicited advice on how I should dress, act, and conduct myself. Interestingly, no one has approached my husband with similar suggestions or expectations. Personally, I find the constant pressure to adorn myself with bangles and a mangalsutra to be quite tiresome. While I do enjoy dressing up, my choices do not always align with the traditional image of a “bahu.”
Someone from work once remarked, “Madam, don’t take it the wrong way, but you should wear something around your neck. It doesn’t look good without it.” The audacity of such comments is astounding. My initial reaction was to question why he was even observing my neck. My subsequent thought was to ponder what was so amiss that he felt compelled to comment.
The frequency with which people have criticized me for not embodying the “ideal bahu” is staggering. Allow me to share a few instances:
- A neighbor from my parents’ locality observed me wearing the traditional red bangles, sindoor, and mangalsutra, yet still advised me to wear payal(anklet) as well.
- Moments before our wedding reception, someone suggested that I cover my head during the function to accommodate the preferences of my husband’s uncle (chacha ji) .
- Numerous women at my workplace have inquired why I do not wear enough sindoor, bindi, bangles, and similar adornments. Yes, you read that correctly. Even in a professional environment, there is an expectation for me to resemble an ideal Indian sanskari bahu rather than a professional individual.
- The mothers of two friends objected to my appearance, noting the absence of vermilion, bangles, and mangalsutra – basic symbols of marriage.
These instances are merely a few among many where I have felt stifled. It is not that I abhor these traditional symbols or the idea of looking married – I do appreciate them, but not incessantly. Occasionally, I prioritize my comfort and personal space. There is absolutely nothing wrong with women wanting to feel like themselves at times, rather than constantly embodying the role of someone’s wife. Why is such a simple concept so difficult for others to grasp?
Ironically, the majority of the individuals who have persistently nagged me about these trivial matters are women. Why is there no equivalent change in men’s attire after marriage? Why must women bear the brunt of these expectations? Why do women need to cover almost all visible parts of their bodies with symbols of marriage, while men do not? Why can’t we simply wear what we want, when we want, and how we want, regardless of our marital status?